Jeopardized
by Laugh231
Summary: Bella cheated.
1. Chapter 1

**Momentary Indiscretion**

Gloom fell in place.

My chest constricted in an everlasting manner.

Betrayal is an ugly thing. I don't hate her for it but what happened?

Was I not good enough?

My head was clouded as I pushed down on the gas pedal racing my way home. I need to get there- it felt like the oxygen there is enough to help with my suffocation in my lungs. I need the oxygen there to feel sane again, I need home and I want the suffocation to go.

Cars beeped and honked as my Aston Martin sped down the streets and recklessly pull in and out of lanes to reach the only place I know I need to get to.

Soon the neighbourhood came into view and I manoeuvred the way into my drive. I took long strides to get into the house, hamming my key into the hole several times before it fitted and granted me the access.


	2. Chapter 2

**Papa Roach- She Loves Me Not**

* * *

"WHY?" I questioned her from behind making my way into the kitchen.

She turned and stared at me, no words left her lips. She was not shiver, she was not biting her lips, she was not twitching, she stood there looking at me.

Her mouth opened and closed a several times, but nothing formulated in her mind- I knew that much. The stilled motions of her eyes indicated no movement in her mind, she stared at me blank. Nothing was crossing her mind. Not my hurt, not me, and definitely why I came booming into the room.

My arms snaked around myself just below my chest as my hands clung to the fabric of my shirt, needing the comfort and something to hold on to. The oxygen in the room was not as effective in calming me as I first thought.

I thought the air at home was something I needed, there was familiarity when I reached the drive, the initial breath I had taken as I exited the car was good, but as soon as she came into view the suffocation came back. The house was something we built together- may be that is where the comfort came from but soon it became tainted just the same as the other things.

Fuck it. I was through with getting answers. I needed an escape. I needed shelter. And it definitely won't be there.

"Fine" I looked her in the eyes. The eyes that I love, and eyes that deceived. "I hope you a happily ever after Isabella"

I took off up the stairs towards the master en-suite and straight into the closet. I took a messenger bag out of the drawers, took a pair of pyjama bottoms from another set of drawers, my hoodie, my pair of trainers, my cap from all over the place, my watch from the display case and zipped up the bag to hang over my shoulders. I then went into my study and gathered all the work I took home from the company, but every time I tried to lift the paper work up along with the PC hard drive and laptop to take them with me they collapsed over each other and fell to the floor.

Fed up of the failures, I took my bag off my shoulders and stormed my way back into the Master bedroom taking the tie off my neck which ripped into pieces at the same time and left it on the floor. I began to look for something to accommodate everything and got into the bathroom to empty the laundry box, dragged it across to the study and stuffed everything in there with my bag on top. I closed the lid and lifted the box.

I was glad that I chosen the box as it was made of wood and the weight was substantial for me to feel less clouded and almost like a weight tying my body to reality instead of feeling more light headed and the gloom taking over my surrounding.

"Don't go" She whispered behind me. "Please I'll do anything."

"Don't beg Isabella, you sound pathetic" I spit out as I made my way out of the study. Her body blocked my every move. "You've made your choice. I'm making mine. Don't mess me around anymore than you did."

"Because I am pathetic" She shouted. "I want you to stay even though I don't deserve a chance. I'm hating myself. I don't want to hurt you but I'm hurting you. I want you to stay. I don't even know why I want you to stay!"

She grabbed onto her hair and balled her fist, scrunching her hair at the roots. She was conflicted but to hell at that moment did I care. She did not care about me when she did what she did. The tenderness that I used to care for her was gone at that moment- everything that I used to devote and reserve for only for her was gone, that blanket of gloom I was surrounded by wrapped itself around me; acted as a shield to protect me, kept me closed off, and locking myself from her. I desperately wanted to give away and hide under a shell so that there were no contact with the real world- as much as I want reality, there's a fine line of hurt between the reality that I could find comfort in and the reality where she existed.

"Move" I said as my eyes widened in a threatening approach.

"No!" She shouted. Her fingers scrunched up her hair at the roots harder.

"Move!" I shouted- I couldn't deal with it anymore I needed to get out of the suffocation.

"Stay!"

I dropped the laundry box and stepped towards her. Without hesitation I brought the palm of my right hand over the hollow of her sculptured cheeks, those fragile cheeks that I cherished so badly faced the wrath of my fucking anger.

Did she deserve it?

I didn't know. But she shouldn't have been there. I didn't want to see her in my rage and pain. She tainted my vision, my smell, my touch, and everything that came with being a whole. She shouldn't be in my world any more, she decided to exclude herself from me the moment she decided to overlook my love for her.

I questioned our love. I thought she understood me. Even though my life has been bleak and hectic before, I thought I could count on her, not to have my back but to stay with me and make me feel whole by being there and love me with all that she is. I didn't care that there was public embarrassment; it meant next to nothing compared to the shatter of hopes of light and dreams, and the hammering of discomfort throbbing in my chest.

I wished she never appeared in front of me again. I didn't want to see her again, didn't want to be reminded of her again, didn't want to mention her again. I wanted her out of my world. I wanted to swipe my memory of her.

My emotions were everywhere. I knew some part, some part very deep in me was trying to get to me. Tried to get me to let her go in peace. Every bit of this drama has clouded me, enveloped me in a sea of heaviness, suffocation in my chest, a world of confusion and the need to find an exit.

She definitely wasn't giving me the exit.

"Hit me again" She whispered as her head dropped in the earthly direction, her arms and hands came back down from the top of her hair in a posture of defeat. "Hit me, hurt me how much I hurt you."

It was piss easy to give into that temptation when my rage took over my being.

My palms of my hands were sweating as I fisted them.

The sound of her groans in pain, and image of parts of her body bruised and battered flashed before my own eyes in terror. I wanted to do those to her; like a beast. I wanted to hurt her but not physically. I wanted to get even but I refused to carry the act.

"My pain is there" I point to her chest then bashed my fist towards my chest to prove the point, though the physical throbbing paled to the internal throbbing inside myself.

"Here" I pulled my arms and hands up my neck to strangle myself around the neck. I then lowered my hands the snake around myself the same way I did in the kitchen.

"My arms feel useless even though I could move them. They feel like extra baggage. I can't even use my own hands and my own ability to keep the love of my..." There was a pause in my speech. The gloominess came back to surround me and take me to a new world of numbness.

Every ounce of her stayed still as she watched my internal turmoil unfold in front of her eyes. I shouldn't fucking show her this. She doesn't have the right to see me at my lowest and weakest I told myself. She was careless in her decisions and at that point it came to haunt me as a result.

The suffocation became more and more hard to ignore.

"You know what?" I finally gathered a cloudy conclusion. "The thing we had was not a mistake. And everything I have for you is now filthy because you can't keep your heart with me. I'm not flawless I'll give you that much but why are you such a bitch and won't tell me what I did wrong or at least talking to my? You was not a slut they claim you to be, but why did you do it and won't talk to me to work things out?" I kicked the laundry box and the lid fell off stabbing my toes and giving myself a new sense of pain that seem more real and keep me ground with my thoughts

"I don't even know why I'm fighting with you and giving you the time of day anymore." I picked up the lid, topped it back onto the laundry box and lifted it to the air to make me way to the car.

I simply dumped the box in the front passenger seat, got into the driver seat and drove my way to a hotel.


	3. Chapter 3

I'm not here to flame

Therefore it makes sense to save my private thoughts in a private world.

I do respect the privacy of those the scandal is surrounded by and it is very hard not to say the word 'but'. So anyone who are upset by the post of this story: ignore and forget.

This is not a story to criticise the situation- I'm not defending myself, but it is important that I get some thoughts out of my system before I breakdown, because if I get to that laughable state I am truly and utterly lost in the pathetic matters of the world.

Those who care and would like to join my private thoughts and opinions, you will be able to find the private world in my profile.


End file.
